What's Truer? How to think differently to feel better emotionally

When we want to be happy, content, energetic, empathetic…when we want great communication and close relationships, we need to look at the situation from a different perspective. I haven’t found a better way than to reflect on what my thoughts lead me to feel! Solomon shared that as you think, so you are (Prov 23:7). If I think negatively, I will be negative and feel negative. My words and actions will tend toward negativity. And in the same vein, if I think positively, I will be tending towards positive words, actions, and emotions. Hooray!

If only it were that simple… People can tell us to “just be positive” all they want, but it has taken you (insert your age here) _ years to be this person. The problem is not that we can’t change; it does, however, require us to be intentional with the following:

1.  Self-Awareness of our emotions…
2.  Recognition of our thoughts and the validity of our perspective
3.  Deciding what we want to feel
4.  Aligning our thoughts to a higher perspective
5.  Repeat this practice often

Emotional intelligence is not impossible. I learned it, after 40+ years of allowing my emotions to rule my life…but that’s a subject for another time. We cannot expect to change overnight! I suggest printing off a picture of a feelings wheel or taking a screenshot with your phone to have as a ready reference. When you feel an emotion that you don’t like or understand, you need to be able to name it, “What am I feeling right now?” Uncomfortable emotions aren’t wrong to have, but we need to recognize the effect they have on our daily lives. Do you ever get frustrated at work and spiral into depression or anger?  It can affect your job, but a good first step to creating a life you can be happy with is to acknowledge the struggle instead of letting your emotions rule.

If you recognize your emotion is not how you want to feel, you can then take a beat and ask, “What was I just thinking that led to my feeling?” Paul was wise in exhorting us to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ (2 Cor 10:5). You can use the TEB Cycle to recognize how your thoughts affect your emotions which affect your behavior…email me, and I will send you a free template you can use with your journal. Science has shown that what you think about negatively, e.g., inability to make improvements at work or having difficulty in a relationship, can lead to high blood pressure, stress on the body, and increased cortisol levels (stress hormones). There really is power in your thoughts! If you want to be in control of your health and your happiness, move on to the next step.

Now this is the actual game changer…can you recognize how true your thoughts are and rate them; 100%, 50%, or even 10%? Try and step back to look at the bigger picture. My client recently shared his frustration at “NEVER getting to spend time” with his wife. When I reminded him that he had seen her every day that week, my client was able to rate that thought as 0% true! We laughed as he was able to think about the difference between how he felt and what was truer.  The feeling was not frustration with the inability to see her, but in his lack of relational connection. This recognition of what was TRUER allowed us to deal with the real problem of how to create intimacy rather than beating around the bush with schedules and time constraints.

In my life coaching session on Clarity, we dive deeper into this topic with practical application and role-playing to practice the TEB Cycle and What’s TRUER. Let me know if you want to make that shift in your own life; phone or text 980-272-8041 or drop me a private note with the email form below. You too can change your thinking and change your life!

On the plains of Hesitation bleach the bones of countless millions who, at the dawn of victory, sat down to wait...and waiting, died. George Cecil

Book recommendations:  

Furtick, Steven. Do the New You: 6 Mindsets to Become Who You Were Created to Be. FaithWords, 2024. 

Meyer, Joyce. "Chapter 8: Thoughts Are Fuel for Feelings." Living Beyond Your Feelings: Controlling Emotions So They Don't Control You. FaithWords, 2011, pp. 87-99.