Overcome Overthinking

Do you find yourself trying to solve problems but never coming up with satisfactory solutions? Do you struggle with thinking things are overwhelming and cannot figure out how to keep things under control? Why do we get stuck in overthinking? The problem of overthinking happens in three main ways: negative scenarios, fixing something that is out of our control, and having self-doubt. Last week we looked together at why and when we get stuck in negative spirals and how to overcome overthinking.

Overthinking negative scenarios is like getting stuck in a rut while driving down the road. It’s easy to fall into the ruts, but it takes effort to get out of the well-worn grooves. Erwin McManus said, “We never get stuck overthinking the positive!” Very true! Have you ever worried that the family will have too much fun at the beach or that the co-workers will get along too well and have too many great ideas? HA! But to get out of overthinking negative thought patterns we need to intentionally (and sometimes literally) move into thinking about positive scenarios. The #1 thing to stop overthinking is Action! Negative scenarios are what we fall into- slip into; instead, we need to try to think of a positive scenario- even if it is unrealistic! I tried this with a friend the other day and, after he grudgingly played along, he was actually able to see a new opportunity! This is the upside of problem solving. Thinking outside the box, even unrealistically, helps us to come up with solutions.

Besides negative scenarios, we often get stuck overthinking how to fix something we don’t have any control over…this will create anxiety and frustration. Women often complain that they don’t want their man to “fix-it”, they just want him to listen. So often when we see people upset or struggling, we want to make things better but cannot; we are focusing on the things we can’t control. This makes us feel even more overwhelmed, unsafe, or afraid of outcomes. To overcome overthinking what’s not in our control we need to look at what IS in our control. My IQ or how intelligent I am isn’t in my control, but what I do with it is what I control; I can study harder or practice new skills to increase my knowledge. I can control being healthy, not how tall I am. I can control what and how much I watch on social media to protect my mental health even if I cannot change what people post.

 Finally, we get stuck in overthinking when we doubt ourselves, e.g. we don’t think we can solve a problem because the solution seems too big, or we believe we aren’t smart enough. We know ourselves and our limitations. We have internal proof that tells us we can’t do things. But the struggle occurs when we try to build our confidence in things we can’t control. That will create self-doubt.  Self-confidence comes when we build it on things we can control like our character and discipline. Self-discipline evaporates self-doubt. Developing your internal values and aligning your actions and your beliefs builds confidence.

Our decisions are often based on our feelings…such as doubting or fearing our ability to solve a problem. When you think your feelings are reality, you try to make decisions based on emotions and start to overthink because you can’t see the actual problem that needs to be solved. You need to deal with facts to drive actions, to respond more rationally and less impulsively. When you try to solve problems that reflect your feelings, you can’t see the real problems. Negative scenarios feel bad and keep us from finding solutions. Fear and anxiety about the world create a desire to control those people and situations which are often not the problems needing solutions. Process your feelings! Feelings give you the right to feel, but you should not act on them.

Overthinking is overcome by looking at what’s true rather than living by feelings that come and go; choosing different perspectives helps to see what the real problems are and then we can get actual solutions. Following is a simple framework to help throughout the week to overcome overthinking.

Framework to Overcome: an infinity loop

Awareness: before I just do something, let me pause and ask: What’s the real issue here? What’s the priority? What’s the most effective next step?

Assessment is at the center where Awareness and Action meet emphasizes the importance of reflection and recalibration. This is best done in a journal format and then reviewing the process at the end or beginning of each week to see where you’ve come from and how far you have come!

Action: What is one action I can commit to today or this week that would move in the direction that I want to move? How will I celebrate taking that step?

At the end of each loop, take a moment to celebrate. Even if it’s just a small win, acknowledge the effort you’re putting in. That little moment of gratitude and self-recognition can fuel your motivation to keep going. Then looping back to Awareness after Action—is such a game-changer “Did that work? Did it align with my values? Did it move me closer to the life I want to create?”

In my life coaching session on Clarity, we dive deeper into this topic with recognizing automatic thoughts and practical practices to think what's true, to take every thought captive, and renew your mind. Let me know if you want to get that clarity in your own life by reaching out for a free 60 minute assessment. You too can change your thinking and change your life!

Book recommendations:  

Furtick, Steven. Do the New You: 6 Mindsets to Become Who You Were Created to Be. Multnomah, 2023.

McManus, Erwin Raphael. Mind Shift: It Doesn't Take a Genius to Think Like One. Convergent Books, 2023. 

Meyer, Joyce. Living Beyond Your Feelings: Controlling Emotions--So They Don't Control You. FaithWords, 2011.