Is it Persuasion or Manipulation?

Have you ever felt like you had a great idea, a vision, or even just a simple request for a family member… but no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t get others to see it, believe in it, or act on it? Me too. And let me tell you, that’s not a failure of your idea. It’s not a failure of your passion. It’s a failure of persuasion. And that’s what we’re here to improve today.

Persuasion is not manipulation.

Let me say that again: Persuasion is not manipulation. It’s about influence. It’s about helping people think differently, feel deeply, and act decisively—not because you tricked them, but because you connected with them. And if you can master this skill, you can change your relationships, your career, your business, and honestly, your life. Joy thrives when we have clarity about out intentions and are aligned with our positive values and purpose.

Persuasion: the art and science of influencing others in a way that’s honest, transparent, and mutually beneficial

Manipulation: tricking someone or pressuring them into something they don’t want

Here are some basic differences:

1.  Trust is the cornerstone of persuasion, and trust is what separates persuasion from manipulation. 
2.  Persuasion works when it’s aligned with someone’s values and goals; manipulation feels wrong because it’s self-serving and deceptive.
3.  Persuasion feels empowering, while manipulation leaves people feeling used or betrayed.
4.  Persuasion builds relationships; Manipulation erodes trust and relationships over time.

If we don’t feel acknowledged, cared for, recognized, or respected, people cannot persuade us! Thus, when we think about the people we want to persuade, we need to start by acknowledging what they care about- to have more, feel more, experience more. We incorporate what’s important to them; encourage them to get on board with the vision you have by recognizing things like the examples that follow:

• I know you want to get ahead in school…
• I know you want to be more successful…
• I know you are hoping to please your father…
• I know you care about equality and justice…

Then introduce what is in it for them. People have ambitions and are influenced by both extrinsic and intrinsic rewards. An extrinsic reward is a social hit of recognition, status, money, power, fame; rewards say that we did something good, so we get something from others. Intrinsic rewards connect to the internal feelings of passion, interest, competence- if the person will enjoy the challenge and feel they can accomplish the task, then it’s possible to stoke that ambition. Our desire to do something increases if we think others will appreciate it and our social circle will honor us more.

Acknowledgement added to Ambition stoked with Affect is the simple equation for the Art of Influence as shown in this Persuasion Framework (Bredon Burchard).

The multiplier of affect (how one comes across emotionally) is to share a high degree of emotion or energy along with the acknowledgement and ambition. To peak their emotional state use a story or something that would speak to them personally.  Stories about relationships, metaphors that show what’s important, a tone of voice that stresses the importance of the vision or action we hope to have the other person engage in are each useful and impactful when used with the audience in mind. Some people hate metaphors but will be receptive to  

The heart of persuasion, when it is done right, is about service, not self-interest. Before you try this framework- maybe inviting someone to take you up on what you offer or encouraging a friend to take a positive action, ask yourself, “What is my intention here?” “How does this align with their needs or values?” “Am I being transparent and honest?” “How can I approach this with empathy?” and “Am I okay with whatever decision they make?” This kind of reflection not only helps avoid manipulation but also builds confidence to be impactful in a way that feels good to everyone involved.