Shifting Perspectives for a Cheerful Holiday Season

Thanksgiving is often a time when our hearts carry both deep gratitude and heavy expectations. We might hold onto an ideal of how the day should go, built on years of cherished traditions. But what happens when life shifts, and the past perfect doesn't align with the present reality?

As my personal tagline goes: Change your thinking and change your life. This is especially true for the holidays.

The Palpable Letdown

For years, I loved the big, bustling Thanksgiving at my in-law’s house. When my own kids were teens, I decided to host it myself, just for my small family. I wanted to ensure a huge bounty of leftovers—especially the stuffing and turkey so we could make more of my husband’s favorite chipped turkey on toast!

I made the turkey, the cranberries, and the sides. It was a feast! I decorated the table with my mom’s china and special silverware. But as we sat down, the atmosphere was... normal, boring. It felt like just another Sunday dinner. Only worse! I spent hours cooking and it was over just as fast as the boys could eat it. The missing ingredient wasn't the food and decorations; it was the interactions of joy, storytelling, and the extended family and friends being Thankful Together.

The letdown was so palpable; I felt like I had lost something valuable due to my own selfishness—my clinging to the idea of leftovers and proper decorations over the presence of the people. I had wanted things to be how I remembered when growing up, and in doing so, I missed the real meaning.

We quickly went back to the larger gathering the following year. I learned that clinging to the Ghost of Thanksgivings Past—wishing things were exactly as they had been when we were growing up or when our own kids were little—only breeds sadness and discontent.

Changing the Menu (and the Mindset)

To truly embrace gratitude, we must be willing to let go.

• Let go of the Menu: Does Thanksgiving have to be turkey and dressing? The original feast featured venison and seafood. If the next generation wants to serve salmon or a vegetarian spread, what is the real meaning we are sacrificing? The love and connection are what matters, not the poultry.
• Let go of Control: If you are the elder generation, allow your grown children to make new traditions. Letting them guide the celebration frees you from the burden of perfection and gives them the joy of ownership.
• Be Thankful for the Changes: Instead of focusing on what is missing, acknowledge what is new. This year may be smaller, quieter, or look completely different, but we can still be thankful for having come through a difficult year and for the life we have.

This Thanksgiving, I challenge you to examine your expectations. Don't let your desire for how things should be steal your joy for how things are.

An Everyday Tradition of Gratitude

For those whose tables are smaller this year—whose children are grown and far away—we can incorporate gratitude into our daily lives this season:

Challenge: Every day, reach out to one person (via text, call, or email) and thank them for an aspect of who they are (not just something they did).

Letting go of the past and embracing what is new will allow your life to be filled with more joy and peace as you interact with the people around you, allowing them to bring something new to the table.

Happy Thanksgiving! What is one small expectation you are willing to let go of today to make room for new joy?