Letting It Go- It's Not Mine to Control

What’s in my control…and what’s not. How to let go of it?!

We try to plan a project so it will come out well, schedule meetings to last as long as they need to get the work accomplished, or determine travel plans to get where we want to go in a timely manner. But then! The traffic, the lazy co-workers, the lack of resources or manpower can throw us for a loop. I thought I had it all worked out and then ….it fell apart!! So, then we might get anxious about the traffic when we are running late, angry at the lack of support for a project that was planned or feel frustrated at the opinions of co-workers who want the work done in a different way. We also get frustrated when things aren’t going the way we hoped. We might go home and complain to our family, talk on the phone and get roiled up again thinking about what went wrong. But it doesn’t have to ruin your day! What if you could keep calm and have the presence to be able to pivot or go with the flow? 

What we focus on, we feel. The story we tell ourselves can affect our response. When traffic is backed up and we are behind schedule you can either focus on the fact that people are driving slowly, or breathe deep and think, "What’s in my control? Does yelling at them make the person drive faster? Do I feel better for venting my anger?" The answer is probably no to both questions. What is in my control is how I respond and what I can do to let go of. I asked the live audience to tell me their suggestions for what helps when they are stressed and here are their responses. Perhaps some are on your list, and others could be helpful in the future.

• Breathe deep through the nose
• Put on some positive music
• Count my blessings
• Think what’s true
• Focus on something else like a podcast
• Move my body or exercise regularly
• Smile and release endorphins 
• Plan ahead how my best self would respond 

…what can you add to this list?

Finally, it’s important to recognize what is in your control…do you believe you have control over other people’s opinions, actions, thoughts? The weather, traffic, or living expenses (e.g. water bill, taxes, medical)? OR do you give up control of your responses to others, your spending, the choices of what you read, listen to on TV, or think about in life because of uncontrollable, frustrating, external, circumstances?

When you feel stressed, frustrated, sad, or discouraged, you can change your emotions by changing your focus. In my life coaching session on Focus, we dive deeper into this topic with practical application in life situations to solidify the change in our thinking from frustration to relaxed presence. Let me know if you want to make that shift in your own life by reaching out for a free assessment and introduction. You too can change your thinking and change your life!

Book recommendations:  

Eldredge, John. All Things New: Heaven, Earth, and the Restoration of Everything You Love. Thomas Nelson, 2017

Robbins, Mel. The Let Them Theory. Hay House, 2024.