Are you missing the signs? How to see blind spots in your relationships.

Ever feel like you're driving through life, happily cruising along, only to realize you’ve totally missed that car in your blind spot? What if I told you your relationships have their own version of those hidden zones? It’s true! We all have "blind spots" in how we interact with others, and uncovering them can totally transform our connections.

This idea popped up recently at our previous CoJoy meeting, and it got me thinking: how DO we know when we've got relational blind spots? Let's dive into some playful wisdom, three key points, and some journal prompts to help us navigate these hidden corners of our hearts.

Your Brain is a Master Detector (and Sometimes a Trickster!)

Think about your actual eyeballs for a second. There’s a physical blind spot where your optic nerve connects, but guess what? Your amazing brain fills in that gap so you don’t even notice it. It’s a brilliant survival mechanism, but it hints at a deeper truth about how our minds work.

This is exactly what happens with cognitive blind spots in relationships. Our brains, eager to make sense of the world, often fill in missing information or confirm existing beliefs, sometimes leading us astray. We might assume a friend is ignoring us because we're not interesting (ouch!), when in reality, they're just swamped with work. Our internal "detector" creates a narrative, and we believe it without even realizing there’s a gap. With Confirmation Bias, our brain sees only the things that confirm what we already believe. 

Just like in a car, where you have to intentionally do a shoulder check to see what your mirrors miss, we need to intentionally check our relational assumptions. We have these incredible external warning systems—arguments, frustration, recurring patterns—but like some confusing road signs, we often don't know what they mean! Learning to understand these signals is the first step.

Journal Prompt #1: Your Inner Narrator 

Reflect on a recent interaction. What assumptions did you make about the other person's thoughts or feelings? How might those assumptions have been a blind spot?

Patterns are Your GPS (if You Track Them!)

I once had a desire to track every time I told my kids "no." It was... discouraging. It shifted my perspective and highlighted a pattern I hadn’t seen. So, I flipped it: what if I tracked every "yes"? That helped me to relate differently to my teenage boys.

In our relationships, patterns are incredibly powerful indicators of blind spots. Do you always feel like you're the one initiating plans? Do your disagreements with certain people always spiral in the same way? These are signals- like signal lights on side view mirrors that warn us that something is in our blind spots.

The trick is to stop guessing and start tracking. You don't need a fancy journal (though I highly recommend journaling!). Even a simple hash mark on a calendar when you call a friend versus when they call you, can reveal a surprising trend. Keeping track helps you see the actual landscape of your interactions, rather than the one your brain assumes is there. It’s like turning on the car’s blind spot sensor – suddenly, that subtle light alerts you to something you weren't seeing before.

Journal Prompt #2: Pattern Spotting

Identify a recurring pattern in one of your relationships. What might this pattern be trying to tell you about your blind spots?

For the next week, try to subtly track this pattern. How many times does it occur? What are the specific triggers? Just observe, no judgment! What did you notice that surprised you? 

Feedback is a Gift (if Received with Humility)

Okay, this one can be tough, but it's GOLD. Imagine asking someone how your cooking tastes or what they think of your new outfit. You probably wouldn't ask someone who'd give you a horrible report, right? But what if the people who genuinely care about you are holding back because they're afraid of hurting your feelings or get their heads snapped off with any suggestions?

This is where asking for feedback comes in. A dear friend once gently pulled me aside and said, "You know, the way you're talking to your husband isn't very respectful." It was a gut punch, but because I trusted her and she delivered it with love, I listened. That feedback helped me identify a blind spot in my communication that I desperately needed to change.

Receiving feedback requires humility and an openness to truly hear what's being said, even if it's uncomfortable. It might take a few tries, and a conscious effort not to react defensively, before people feel safe enough to give you honest insights. But when they do, it's a powerful opportunity for growth. Remember, the goal isn't just to know your blind spots, but to be brave and intentional enough to change them!

 Journal Prompt #3: The Humility Challenge

Consider a close, trusted friend or family member. If you were to ask them for honest, gentle feedback about one aspect of your relational style, what might they say? (You don't have to actually ask them yet, just imagine!)

How does the thought of receiving that feedback make you feel? What steps could you take to cultivate more humility and openness in your interactions? 

 Ready to See More Clearly? Join the CoJoy!

Uncovering our blind spots is a journey, not a destination. If you're ready to grow in your joy and deepen your relationships with thoughtful discussion and encouragement, I invite you to be part of the CoJoy!

We hold weekly, virtual, live trainings and discussions every Wednesday at Noon, ET. It’s a fantastic opportunity to explore topics like this and connect with others on a similar path. Plus, we have a private group app where we interact, share insights, and encourage one another throughout the week!

Click here to learn more and join the CoJoy! Let's learn to read the signs together.