Art of Conversation

The Garden of Deep Connection

Connection is at the heart of everything—relationships, leadership, even personal fulfillment. Let’s prepare the soil to grow and connect with others. Great relationships don’t just happen; they need to be cultivated with intention and care. “What’s one relationship in your life you’d love to improve, and why?”

Connections, both professionally and personally, start when there is curiosity and we shift from “Here I am!” to “Oh, there you are!” Like compost added to the soil, curiosity is needed for growth; curiosity helps growing relationships by being intentional. “Who is one person you would like to grow in relationship to, and how can curiosity be fostered?”

Curious Questions

Instead of just asking, ‘What happened?’ I might ask one of the following: ‘How did that make you feel?’ or ‘What did you learn from that experience?’ or ‘What was the hardest part of that for you?’

These connections need to be nurtured with care and tended to daily by listening deeply, asking better questions, and being present. Showing up and being present to connect and cultivate something meaningful and lasting says, “I see you and value you”. This action creates a space to plant seeds of trust and authenticity which then allows others to be vulnerable and open. As you grow the seeds of trust and acknowledge their worth, you nurture the plants of possibility to see relationships bloom and grow into something extraordinary. We can even transform a relationship into what it’s created to be by leaning into this season to propagate more seeds of connection.

Wilting No More

Perhaps you are already in some relationships, but they feel limp and lackluster; connection has not been a practice and feels unlikely. You can strengthen and rebuild these connections just like tending to a wilted plant.  Let’s get to the next level through new questions that elicit emotions or insights-which are often open-ended and invite reflection. This is a skill that transforms relationships, builds trust, and deepens understanding. I’m experiencing this in my own life. Perhaps you too will see that dead things can come alive! “What’s one relationship you would like to bring new life into, and Why is that important?”

Insightful Inquiry

One of the most impactful shifts I’ve made in my own communication is learning to ask questions that elicit emotions and insights. Discovery is exciting when shared in conversation! Now that you know how to practice presence with the curious questions, we will move on to strengthening the relationship by discovering more insight together. These questions go beyond surface-level conversation and encourage people to share their feelings, values, and aspirations. They create space for vulnerability and connection, which is where real growth happens.

Will you share one or two of your responses with me? I look forward to your emails! 

"What’s been the most meaningful moment in your life recently, and why?"

"What’s a challenge you’ve faced that taught you something about yourself?"

"If you could feel one emotion more often in your daily life, what would it be and why?"

"What’s one thing you wish people understood about you?"

The Art of Asking Better Questions

Sometimes we just need to learn how to ask questions! Years ago, I used to place exchange students in host families. I would pick them up at the airport an hour or two drive and bring them to their host families. Have you ever tried to have a conversation with someone whose only answer is yes, no, or one word?! I was not willing to endure that! So, I came up with the additional aspect to my job, teaching the art of conversation! As we drove away from the airport I would explain the rules to this game. When somebody asks a question, answer it and then ask them a question in return. For instance, “How many siblings do you have?” The student can respond, “I have one brother. Do you have any brothers or sisters?” Then as we drove along we would practice. I can role model the first question with an answer. They were quick to get the idea, and conversations were more enjoyable for both of us after that!

Book recommendations:  

Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High, Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, and Switzler. Learning how to navigate important conversations with clarity and empathy.

The Five Keys to Mindful Communication: Using Deep Listening and Mindful Speech to Strengthen Relationships, Heal Conflicts, and Accomplish Your Goals, Chapman. The practical application of silence, mirroring, encouraging, discerning, and responding in order to do as the title states-have better communication!

How to Say It: Words That Make a Difference, Friederichs Atkison. From general conversation to strategic...something for everyone to improve how and what you say to be effective in communication.