Practical Persuasion Practice

"They need to make better choices!" Carol, my (anecdotal) client continued, "The people I love most are driving me crazy with the stupid decisions they make!"

Does this sound familiar? Are your friends constantly choosing to leave their wits behind to engage in activities that drag them down rather than help them get to the goals and ideals they profess to have? Wouldn't it be amazing to speak in a way that they could hear your wisdom and feel empowered and motivated to do the good works ahead of them?! Instead of nagging or giving up on your family and friends, you can learn to communicate to their dreams and might be able to persuade them through new tools you'll learn in this framework. 

In the Persuasion framework (Brendon Burchard, 2007, HPI), we need to lay some basic groundwork and recognize what is persuasive versus coercive. When you think of the word persuasive, do you have a positive or negative feeling? The Webster's Dictionary states that this word is neither, but rather neutral: to move by argument, entreaty, or expostulation to a belief, position, or course of action; to plead with or urge.  If you were to look at similar words, they would include the following: 

• Impel
• Entice
• Convince
• Talk (into)
• Win (over) 

Persuasion: a great novel by Jane Austen, is significant because it highlights the central theme of the novel, which is the art and importance of persuasion, and the impact it has on characters' lives. Anne Elliot, the main female character, is repeatedly persuaded (convinced) to make choices that ultimately impact her relationships and happiness. 

We can choose to impact others positively or negatively; encourage or manipulate. For some people, to persuade has a negative connotation: seduce, force, or cajole. For other people, to persuade has a positive meaning: encourage, inspire, or motivate. For the sake of this conversation, can we agree that we want to impact people positively when we persuade them rather than be manipulative and self-seeking? Make sure to consider your motives before attempting to increase your persuasiveness. "Why do you want them to change?" 

The Persuasion Framework 

• The ideas and actions we want to persuade can be kept in perspective as we acknowledge the struggles and difficulties our friend is dealing with. If we don't validate and acknowledge where they are coming from, it's hard to have their ears for the coming discussion.
• The other thing we need to have in perspective is the ambitions and goals they have for themselves. As we address the importance of their end goal- whether they are trying to be overall happier or wanting to be successful in their endeavors, our approach to persuade must take these goals into account.
• Finally, we need to present our argument with affect (the A is pronounced like the A in Afflack and is a Psychological term: the emotion exhibited through body language) which speaks to the heart of the person in order for them to feel the importance of choosing the specific course of action or belief at this time. 

"Do you have strong persuasive skills? When attempting to persuade someone to change, what has worked and what hasn't?"  These are questions to ponder as you moving forward into this framework. Another helpful technique would be to recognize the attitude and approach of people in your own life who have been able to persuade you to change.  What were the actions and interactions that allowed you to open up space in your heart and mind creating the space for you to change?

 As you consider these three aspects of the persuasion framework- acknowledge, ambition, and affect- it can be difficult to master the technique without first practicing it in your imagination or with another objective person. Journaling is a great way to see if what you want to persuade others to do is really just selfish, or to help them. A coaching session is a great place to practice this conversation skill and to get objective feedback on the why and how of your reason to engage in this endeavor to persuade someone. 

I offer a High Performance Mental Health coaching program that provides strategies for maintaining balance between personal life and work/ministry, tips for managing conflict within groups, and accountability as you work through the desire to change yourself and others for the better! Let's talk if you want to know more about this highly effective program of the 12 Habits of Highly Effective People.

You can reach me by phone or text: 980-272-8041 or by email at the end of this post.

Book Recommendations:

Robbins, Mel. The Let Them Theory. Hay House, 2024. 

Batterson, Mark. Do It for a Day: How to Make or Break Any Habit in 30 Days. Multnomah, 2021.